Its 9 pm and my bum’s just hitting the sofa …

I catch a sideways glance at the mountainous ironing pile on my way down … the dog needs a quick scoot around the block; ½ the kids are in bed and I’m working out what I need to sort and get ready for the next day … In the back of my mind I’m also aware that there aren’t enough horizontal lines drawn through the ‘to do’ list floating around on the kitchen counter…

In that moment I wonder whether it’s being self-employed, a mum, working almost full time … or probably rotten time management (says my hubby) which keeps me feeling like I’m in a never ending cycle of ‘doing’. I think it’s probably all four!

My inbox and facebook feed is filled with women ‘entreprenuers’ telling me how they are successfully running their million dollar business, whilst jetting around the world. They promise they have the ‘perfect’ work life balance in which to ‘do it ALL and therefore SO CAN I!’ – I hear ‘bollocks’ coming out of my mouth as I read …

THAT ‘to do’ list, amongst others isn’t getting any smaller and the same old stuff just keeps getting recycled onto newer, tidier and more ‘organised’ lists!
In a bid to settle this ‘I am doing but not getting done’ scenario in my mind, I sat down one morning and asked myself ‘Just what, exactly am I doing with my time?’

So, in a bid to find some answers, I asked myself some more questions.

These were:

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Not too recently I worked with a client whom I shall call ‘Fred’ for the purposes of this story. Fred needed to be able to cope with his life – Fred, by anyone’s admission had, and was having a pretty rough trot of life.

He wasn’t coping at all and had spiralled into a long term cycle of negative self-talk which he ran on a continual loop. This internal dialogue consisted of … ‘what if’s’, ‘what hasn’t been’ and the ‘what will never be’; he was choking himself with a destructive pattern of anti-depressants, sleeping pills, alcohol, and a deep rooted victim mentality for well over 30 yrs.

By his own admission, he NEVER relaxed, never emptied off or released his stress and spent his waking time distracting himself with everything he couldn’t control or everything he could drink in a bottle that had a % proof attached. Fred wasn’t an isolated case.

In our first session he put a halt to the proceedings half way through … ‘Shall we continue?’ I asked. “No, I’ve had enough” … ‘Okay, may I ask why?’,” I’ve just had enough!”

Now usually I would respect this from a client and wind things up but there was a belligerence to this halting of proceedings and I felt that we had been making some progress. So after a gentle chat on where we were going with our session and what we were aiming towards … “All sounds a bit like hard work.” he responded. After a little more dialogue, he felt it was all just “too difficult.”

Now Fred may be a little more of an extreme case than many, however there are elements of Fred in all of us. All of us who resist making positive change. Changing behaviours and cycles that have become just a little too ‘comfortable’ shall we say. That old chestnut of ‘staying in your comfort zone’ can also mean not wanting to step into the unknown because at the very least, right now, I know what I’m dealing with on a day to day basis.

So, my question to you is, ‘Is change difficult?’

Can we be bothered with all that ‘hard work’, is it not just ‘easier’ to stay in the same place, the same uncomfortable place perhaps of being a ‘victim’ or listening to the same negative dialogue or medicinal anaesthetising?

Are we just resistant towards taking an element of responsibility for our actions?

Think of the butterfly … or actually the caterpillar for that matter, slugging it around, defenseless, vulnerable, limited … if it could comprehend the process of being cocooned in its chrysilis do you think it would go ‘yeah sure no prob!’ … doubtful. Yet if you showed it the beauty and freedom of its transformation then could you perhaps persuade it? Very likely!

I often find that when people come for help they want to give you the responsibility; they want to come, take the magic pill that makes it all go away and walk out fixed … usually in 1 session. That’s not to say it doesn’t happen but what we often do is place this big pile of burden or problem in the palms of our hands and then tip it into the lap of whomever will take it – “there you go, your responsibility now”. In many respects I’m ok with that, however there’s a time for saying ‘Actually, you hold the pile and I’ll help you get rid of it, how does that sound?’

Back to Fred … ‘Change isn’t difficult’ I suggested, ‘just uncomfortable, but not as uncomfortable as all the discomfort you’ve had and have been trying to avoid for 30 years’.

He got this and after a couple more sessions Fred was well on his way to a much more relaxed, stress free and less troubled life. He was only a few thoughts away from changing the rest of his life.

So the 1st rule of making positive change: accept the fact it may be a bumpy ride but that doesn’t mean it’s going to be difficult … and the second … take responsibility – its only YOU that can make that change!

Live long & prosperously fellow pioneers of positive change and hallowed goodness, we’re together all the way!

With love

Steph x

… to my first EVER blog post!

To say I’m excited about embarking on my new blogging adventure is a bit of an understatement 😉

I think ALOT … say ALOT … question ALOT and I’d really like to share some of the stuff that comes up in my life both personally and professionally and also listen and read about YOUR life too …

This is a space where we have complete and utter permission to be authentic in who we are. I want us to be vulnerable with each other … support each other … and love each others successes, failures, needs, wants and desires in every shape, colour and tone they present themselves!

I wanted to create this blog as a way of opening up the floor to the issues that we face every day … health, wellness, relationships … ourselves. There’ll be emotional stuff, healthy stuff, mental and motivational stuff and lots of spiritual stuff!

There’ll be weekly posts on friday afternoons perhaps with the occasional extra thrown in if I feel the need to get something ‘out there’. I’d love it if anyone and everyone who reads these blogs gives me a word, sentence or essay if you’re so inclined on what’s going on in YOUR world; thoughts on the posts or anything you want to put ‘out there’ too … all is welcome … (within sociopathic reason )

With love & BIG fat hugs

Steph  x

PS. Inhale the good shit … exhale the bad shit … ;-))