‘Feel the fear and do it anyway’ … right?

… If you’re brave enough, strong enough, desperate enough, then perhaps.

But what if the consequences of ‘doing it anyway’ seem so insurmountable that it’s like asking you to pop on your walking boots and climb to Everest base camp, better still the summit.
For those who say ‘it’ll be fine’ or ‘just do it’ or ‘what have you got to lose’ have never walked your path, worn your shoes or if they have, they’re using their own cognitive processes to rationalise it. 

My mantra used to be, and still is to an extent, ‘Just do it!’ – Nikes tag line. For me it was a great motivator in many aspects of my life … ‘should I’, ‘shouldn’t I’ scenarios where often categorically concluded with the ‘Just do it’ voice in my head. But that was when the agonizing was over stuff that wasn’t defined as life changing or significantly pain staking in any way.

A client of mine has just ‘felt the fear and done it anyway’. A big, fat, scary fear with significant consequences and possible far reaching effects … I’m very proud of that person. Fear represents a wide range of emotional issues. They themselves didn’t define it as fear, they saw it as an infliction on another, a compassionate curbing on consequences yet it still came down to fear. Fear of hurting another, fear of insecurity … fear of the unknown and fear of losing control.There is a static protection we place around ourselves when we proactively remove ourselves from fearful situations whether it’s staying in the same job or house for fear of change, travelling to the same holiday destination because it’s reassuring or staying too long in relationships which no longer nuture us. Many of these factors, although not obviously all, can stem from fear. We tell ourselves we’re happy, comfortable, safe and secure. That’s absolutely fine if you’re not wanting to broaden your horizons, widen your experiences or expand and fulfill yourself in any way.

“Although the world is full of suffering, it is also full of overcoming it. ”  Helen Keller

So what do I do when I feel the fear … hide under the duvet until it goes away?!

Seriously though … I used to admonish myself for being fearful. I’ve done things and challenged myself, yet if I was fearful I felt I was weak. What I didn’t realise in my naivety was that it was ok to be scared, to fear ‘change’, the unknown and to be fearful of uncertainty and being out of control. I thought it was unnatural to have these feelings – yes I did some of it anyway but I realized that with practice the challenge of stepping into that uncomfortable place brought far more confidence in other aspects of my life that I’d never realised was possible. 

Confidence, self belief and trusting in yourself and your judgements needs to built and strengthened like a muscle. I see clients for Coaching and Hypnotherapy seeking that confidence and self esteem through self belief and I need to reinterate often that its one step at a time. No magic wand can be waved or pill taken to create an instantaneous and fierce Fear Freedom Fighter!!

Often the greatest battle with facing fear is acknowledging that we’re scared. Often we don’t delve into why, just that we are. If we can  break those fears down, take them step by step into bite size chunks so that the WHOLE doesn’t seem so overwhelming and unattainable, we can make progress. What is a fearful situation for you may not bother another and vice versa. Personality types, life circumstances, nurture versus nature will all play a part. If we can face the fear, pull it apart and recognize what it is within ourselves that feels so fearful then we can begin to put one foot forward and start to overcome it’s hold.

“At the bottom of every one of your fears is simply the fear that you can’t handle whatever life may bring you.”   Susan Jeffers

We can allow fear to dominate our lives, our mind, our growth and development but we can also face it, acknowledge it and bit by bit confront it. If you’re fearful of travelling alone start by making slightly longer journeys by yourself and maybe having an overnight stay somewhere until you get used to being comfortable with just you and trusting yourself. Take a day trip a little further than your comfort zone to get used to your decision making. If you’re thinking about a new job, apply for a couple of posts that you’re really not bothered about so it’s no big deal if you’re interviewed and you can ‘test the water’ … If it’s your relationship that requires change, be frank, open and honest with your partner so that you can work through your fears instead of holding onto them. Often fear becomes insurmountable because we allow its vice like grip to paralyse us which can make us feel incapable and inadequate.

For some there is a deep seated sense of not fulfilling their purpose or potential. The key is not to be fearful about making a wrong decision as it’s more about knowing when and how to correct it. When there is disharmony we must make the changes required to bring back the harmony.

Everyone has some level of fear in front of them … it’s having the courage to step through that fear that matters. Not seeing the other side of fear is often what holds us back and prevents us from taking that all important first step forward. We must take that wall of fear and dismantle it brick by brick. Whether there remains a pile of dust or a low level barrier we can comfortably step over depends on how willing you are to focus on the gain rather than the pain.We owe it to ourselves however to remove those walls which keep us confined and imprisoned. 

So how do we work with fear …?

1. We acknowledge the truth of it. Why are we fearful, what are we scared of and what is the worst that can happen?
This helps us to break it down into it components and rationalize the contributing factors. I am scared because …

2. Once we have recognized some of the components eg. being alone, vulnerable, judged etc we then take a small step to gently lift the ‘ceiling’ on each one of those issues. This helps us to gain trust, confidence and acceptance in ourselves. When we recognize or understand our feelings it makes it easier to work through them in any given situation.

3. We practice putting ourselves out of our comfort zone in small steps until we become comfortable with it. As we develop confidence we can start to slowly broaden our horizons. We may not lose the fear of change, losing control or being alone entirely but we become more self-dependent and therefore independent which opens up a whole new world of opportunity.

4. Try new things regularly and allow yourself small bites of being vulnerable. Being comfortable in being vulnerable has the potential for freedom and fulfillment.

5. Ask for help. So often we’re ashamed or embarrassed about our limitations. Rather than asking for help we tend to ‘state’ that we’re too scared or fearful or not confident to do something. If someone has conquered a fear, made the change you aspire to or worked through a difficult situation, talk to them and learn from their experience. It often helps if we know someone else has been through something similar and come out the other side. Stay away however if they undermine or play down your concerns.

So the trick to facing your fears?

Don’t worry about ‘feeling the fear and doing it anyway’ … feel the fear and allow courage, patience and another’s wisdom to be the hands that guide you, if you allow yourself this first step you just never know where it may lead you …

Here’s looking to freedom and far off lands of adventure … ;-))

With heaps of love and courageous hugs 

Steph ♥