Not too recently I worked with a client whom I shall call ‘Fred’ for the purposes of this story. Fred needed to be able to cope with his life – Fred, by anyone’s admission had, and was having a pretty rough trot of life.
He wasn’t coping at all and had spiralled into a long term cycle of negative self-talk which he ran on a continual loop. This internal dialogue consisted of … ‘what if’s’, ‘what hasn’t been’ and the ‘what will never be’; he was choking himself with a destructive pattern of anti-depressants, sleeping pills, alcohol, and a deep rooted victim mentality for well over 30 yrs.
By his own admission, he NEVER relaxed, never emptied off or released his stress and spent his waking time distracting himself with everything he couldn’t control or everything he could drink in a bottle that had a % proof attached. Fred wasn’t an isolated case.
In our first session he put a halt to the proceedings half way through … ‘Shall we continue?’ I asked. “No, I’ve had enough” … ‘Okay, may I ask why?’,” I’ve just had enough!”
Now usually I would respect this from a client and wind things up but there was a belligerence to this halting of proceedings and I felt that we had been making some progress. So after a gentle chat on where we were going with our session and what we were aiming towards … “All sounds a bit like hard work.” he responded. After a little more dialogue, he felt it was all just “too difficult.”
Now Fred may be a little more of an extreme case than many, however there are elements of Fred in all of us. All of us who resist making positive change. Changing behaviours and cycles that have become just a little too ‘comfortable’ shall we say. That old chestnut of ‘staying in your comfort zone’ can also mean not wanting to step into the unknown because at the very least, right now, I know what I’m dealing with on a day to day basis.
So, my question to you is, ‘Is change difficult?’
Can we be bothered with all that ‘hard work’, is it not just ‘easier’ to stay in the same place, the same uncomfortable place perhaps of being a ‘victim’ or listening to the same negative dialogue or medicinal anaesthetising?
Are we just resistant towards taking an element of responsibility for our actions?
Think of the butterfly … or actually the caterpillar for that matter, slugging it around, defenseless, vulnerable, limited … if it could comprehend the process of being cocooned in its chrysilis do you think it would go ‘yeah sure no prob!’ … doubtful. Yet if you showed it the beauty and freedom of its transformation then could you perhaps persuade it? Very likely!
I often find that when people come for help they want to give you the responsibility; they want to come, take the magic pill that makes it all go away and walk out fixed … usually in 1 session. That’s not to say it doesn’t happen but what we often do is place this big pile of burden or problem in the palms of our hands and then tip it into the lap of whomever will take it – “there you go, your responsibility now”. In many respects I’m ok with that, however there’s a time for saying ‘Actually, you hold the pile and I’ll help you get rid of it, how does that sound?’
Back to Fred … ‘Change isn’t difficult’ I suggested, ‘just uncomfortable, but not as uncomfortable as all the discomfort you’ve had and have been trying to avoid for 30 years’.
He got this and after a couple more sessions Fred was well on his way to a much more relaxed, stress free and less troubled life. He was only a few thoughts away from changing the rest of his life.
So the 1st rule of making positive change: accept the fact it may be a bumpy ride but that doesn’t mean it’s going to be difficult … and the second … take responsibility – its only YOU that can make that change!
Live long & prosperously fellow pioneers of positive change and hallowed goodness, we’re together all the way!
With love
Steph x
The Hummingbird Diaries 